So as I posted yesterday I had a return to work interview to attend. I had only been signed off work for 2 weeks, but my manager thought it would be a good idea as I work in a very high pressure job with a lot of responsibility. Which I understand, as I need to have my head in the right place so no one gets hurt. I had been in a crisis and things got to a total breaking point. I took the 2 weeks off in order to get my head straight. In a way i’m glad I took the time to recover because this time is what has rekindled my writing hobby, both creative and blogging.
The actual return to work interview itself was nothing like I thought it was going to be. My fear was that i’d be sat in a room with my manager’s manager and be interrogated about the circumstances that led to me being off. I was frightened that they’d ask why I had been in hospital and question me on my diagnosis. As far as they know I've suffered with anxiety and depressive symptoms for a while now, which isn’t a lie. There’s something about BPD that I don’t expect them to sympathise with. A lot of our patients have personality disorders and sometimes I feel the staff there have some very closed minded opinions. What I've had to learn is that with regards to work you should feel able to share as much or as little as you see fit. Not everyone has to know everything about your life and as long as you’re safe to do your job I can’t see an issue with that.
The lady I saw was really friendly and took me to a private side room. She asked to see my sick certificate and asked how I was doing. She didn’t assume anything and didn’t ask me any questions about my diagnosis. I explained to her how stressed I had been and the financial situation at home. She was really understanding and honestly she just wanted to make sure I was going to be okay. She let me choose when I wanted to return to work. She referred me to occupational health and asked me if there was anything else I needed in order to return. My worries were dispelled so easily and honestly now i’m a lot more positive about returning to work this Friday.
Sometimes our anxieties can get the better of us. They descend on our minds like fog and pour in thoughts of our greatest fears. Fear is paralysing. If I had let it overtake me and gone in there a wreck I imagine the result may have been different. I faced it head on and actually it turned out really well.
Out of Darkness. Xx
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