Here's to 2021

Somehow we've made it through yet another year. Highly commendable considering the rough ride that 2020 has been. 

I started off hopeful, as many of us did, but as March rolled around a worldwide emergency gripped us. Enter lockdown, the likes of which none of us in this country had seen before. The idea that governments could force people to stay in their homes was something I'd only ever seen in apocalyptic movies. Working for the NHS was scary. In mental health services we weren't seeing the Covid numbers rising in our inpatients, but staff were getting it left, right and centre. The shops were chaos. Two hour queues to get into our local supermarket. We resorted to shopping in pound shops and getting our fresh produce from the less busy markets. I remember the first time I walked into Basildon high street since the lockdown. Not a soul in sight. The quiet was eerie and even the pidgeons seemed scarce. My partner started a new job working at an airport, considered stable one week then almost certainly non-existent the next. It was then I started to truly realise the scope of the whole thing. 

The unfortunate thing about understanding what is going on in the world, is the adverse effect it has on your mental health. After half a year of what can only be described as the Covid restriction hokey cokey, I was feeling exhausted. I wasn't the only one. Unable to see our loved ones, living in isolation and fear, many of us were (maybe still are) wondering why stick around to see the end? This environment is rife with triggers for those of us living with a mental health condition or disability. For me watching the news would bring on paranoias I had long forgotten. The feeling of being watched constantly was only re-enforced. I distinctly remember sticking blue tack over my laptop's webcam for at least 3 months. The monotony of going to work, but not being able to see my friends or family, caused me more emotional instability and I was often feeling at crisis point. The uncertainty was probably the worst experience for me. I'd be happy to have been in lockdown for the whole summer if it had meant we could see our families at Christmas. 

Despite the disruption that Covid has caused in our lives, there were positives in my life. I started my DBT and honestly it could not have come at a better time. I don't think I would have survived this year without it. I started training to be a Counsellor in September, which is going well. I've also started working with mental health services in my area to help fight stigma against patients with personality disorders. In a normal year I would have felt incredibly proud of myself, but I'd sort of forgotten about my acheivements until now. A really helpful task is to do a timeline of your year, writing down everything significant that happened. It just helps to process things for me. 

There is light on the horizon for us. Life may never truly return to normal, but a few vaccines have now been approved and are rolling out. I'm due to get mine by the end of January, because of my job. We are going to see our friends again. We're eventually going to be able to hug our parents and grandparents without fear. It is coming and we have all been so strong throughout this. Even if we lost our fitness, we started drinking more or felt as if we might break, we are still here. 

The next challenge for us is not to turn away once we emerge from isolation. It is likely we will find ourselves in the middle of a national mental health crisis. The fear and separation we have faced will cause many people to experience issues they never have before. Those of us living with a condition may find ourselves slipping back into crisis. During the next few months it is important that we take care of ourselves, be kind to others and to reach out if we need to. Give yourself time for the chaos to pass. 

Stay safe everyone. Wishing you all a better year. 

Outofdarkness Xx.

DBT Skill: TIPP

During various stages of my struggle with BPD, professionals have told me to stop. Stop overreacting, stop self-destructing, stop harming myself, just stop. My response has always been how? Most of them couldn't tell me, but the rest of them gave me weak solutions such as, make a cup of tea, go for a walk, have a bubble bath. Now I'm not saying that these are completely unhelpful, but they are not meant for that moment in a crisis when you are about to engage in a target behaviour. They fit into the category of soothe and distract, which I'll be showing you another day. What I needed in this moment are what we call TIPP Skills. 

TIPP Skills are different from soothing and distracting yourself with baths or walks. They're practices that are proven to actually change your body chemistry. For me this has now been a life saver several times. I was shocked that no one had ever taught me to do any of these before, so I wanted to share what I've learned. 

Use these to reduce extreme emotion mind fast. 

Temperature - The ice dive is the TIPP skill that works best for me. What I would advise you do is get a bowl big enough to put your face in. Fill it with very cold water and if you have it, put a bunch of ice in there too. You need to put your face under the water for 30 seconds, coming up for air ofcourse! What this will do is activate your dive response which slows your heart rate and helps 'shock' you out of that mental state. It's not going to get you out of crisis, but it will give you a chance to use distractions and soothing. If you don't like your face being under water then you can get a cold can or some ice in a bag and press it against your wrist for 30 seconds. 

Intense Exercise - This can help to calm your body down, when it is revved up by emotion. The DBT manual suggests 30 minutes of exercise. This could be an exercise video or just a mixture of star jumps, sit ups, squats and whatever else you can think of. For most people just walking isn't enough, if you're capable go for a run. If nothing else, this will distract you for a bit. 

Paced Breathing - This exercise slows your breathing and therefore can be helpful if you're panicking. Breathe deeply, slowing your breaths. Exhale for longer than you inhaled e.g. 4 seconds in, 6/7 seconds out. 

Paired Muscle Relaxation - Whilst breathing in tense up your muscles. Focus on your body as you release the tension whilst breathing out. Notice how it feels. You can do this throughout your body e.g. tense the muscles in your hands and release, then tensing your arm muscles, shoulder muscles etc. 

As I mentioned earlier, TIPP Skills alone will not be enough to get you through your crisis, but they give you a fighting chance to use other skills. Next post we'll be looking at creating a care package to aid in using soothe and distract skills.

*Consult your healthcare provider before using the ice dive or doing intense exercise if you have: a heart or medical condition, a lowered base heart rate due to medications such as beta blockers, an eating disorder.