What happened to you Out of Darkness?? Where are the posts you promised us?
Hey all. On the 9th of January I posted a really positive update about all the upcoming projects for early this year and all the goals for myself I had set. I was really excited about the future of the blog and my future also. Even though the last update was posted on the 9th of January, it was actually written just after the christmas period, when I was feeling on top of the world. However by the time we got to the 9th I was struggling with my mental health.
The world my blog resides in is a world of light, which often contrasts with the shadows of my reality. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder is tough. It can take all of my effort to remain stable and after the social pressures of the holidays, I was thrown out of balance. The darkness closed in around me and I found my mind trapped in dark places. When I’m trapped I become panicked and look for exits that aren’t really an option. Before I knew it I was standing on the edge. My suicidal thoughts were turning into ideas and plans. I had been there many times and decided to seek help.
I went to my GP who sent me to A&E where I was assessed by the Psychiatric Liaison team. They referred me to the crisis team who discharged me with no support. The next few days were hellish and filled with bad decisions and emotional pain. My partner was calling and calling trying to get someone to come out and see me. Finally on the Saturday the crisis team agreed to come back and reassess me. I don’t know what was different, but this time they suggested I be admitted to a psychiatric hospital to keep me safe and to assess me further.
I spent 6 days under the care of nurses and support workers. It was what I needed to keep me safe and to get through this difficult time. I’ve currently been signed off of work until I feel well enough to return, but it’s looking like this might be a couple of months at this point. I really wanted to carry on with the blog, but obviously I had no access to my laptop. I’m back now and I will be posting regularly I hope, as writing really is part of my self care and therefore my recovery. I will still be writing about the exciting things I told you I would, but it may just be a couple of weeks later than I expected.
Finally I just want to give a little shout out to everyone that struggles throughout the winter time. I know it’s hard, but remember you are doing your best. It’s okay to need help, because we all do.
Out of Darkness. Xx
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