Whether you’ve been battling with your mental health for decades or you’re just finding your feet on your journey to recovery, online support is probably something that you’ve considered or taken part in. As many of us living with BPD have, I’ve sought out countless forums on social media and bespoke websites. I certainly have my fair share of opinions of which ones to avoid. From a professional aspect (source: my day job), social media is not recommended for dealing with moderate to serious mental health problems. Especially on sites like facebook, tumblr or reddit, where moderation isn’t as tight as it needs to be. However, when accessing professional treatment takes years, you can understand why people would try to use these sites for healing.
Today I wanted to discuss my thoughts on online support systems and try to come to some sort of conclusion that might guide others to make a decision for themselves. I can only include my own experiences, so if you have a different story to tell it would be great if you could leave a comment.
So firstly, what am I talking about when I say online support systems? I am referring to either specific groups or forums on social media that deal with mental health, OR sites dedicated to providing a safe space to talk about mental health. They might offer a place to relate to others or just simply somewhere to vent. You can find them just about anywhere on the internet and they are normally easily accessible and come at no financial cost. They allow you to connect with people in similar situations to yourself, which when you have BPD isn’t easy; we often try to hide our symptoms away in our day to day lives and are unlikely to confide in others. In these communities I always felt more free to be myself. Some online support has the capacity to teach you healthier coping skills and learn from others further ahead in their journey to recovery. In this way it can be used to help with milder symptoms.
As with all things there is a light and dark side to these support systems. The keyword for this part of my evaluation is Toxicity. In this case a toxic environment is one where there is a continual pattern of negative actions and narratives that cause harm to individuals and the group as a whole. In online BPD communities this can be a culture of peer pressure, berating others for having different opinions, or even becoming unhealthily reliant on one another. At times I’ve also seen a lot of “one-up-manship” due to the group invalidating each other; for example, saying that because someone is not as severe a self harmer that their BPD is somehow lesser than. This usually results in the person feeling they have something to prove, leading to a self-harm incident (one of the worst examples of toxicity I have witnessed). Without having the skills to spot toxicity and detach yourself from those environments, they become detrimental to mental health and recovery.
Looking around on a search engine like google will find more results than you can count, so here are a few I’ve encountered; plus my honest opinions on their usefulness.
Facebook - Yikes, let’s start with the worst then. Finding a private BPD group on facebook is easy. You simply search for one, apply to join and promise to follow the rules. The moderators warn you from the start about certain behaviours that will not be tolerated. Brilliant, you say. Fantastic! Except for it doesn’t happen. The group was abundant with arguments that usually ended in suicide threats. The moderators would try to calm the situation, but only ended up joining the argument themselves. For people who are highly sensitive and emotional (like us with BPD) it was an incredibly unhealthy environment. In general I would describe Facebook as a virtual hellscape for mental health, but these groups really took the biscuit. Avoid.
Reddit - Not all of you will be familiar with Reddit. For those that don’t know it’s a site that has forums for everything, literally. From cute animals to BDSM and other subjects in between, including BPD and other mental health conditions. Their moderation is slightly better and some of the forums can be really helpful. If you need to find a way to relate to others with similar experiences then it’s okay in my book; plus the BPD memes forum is a great way to inject some relatable humour into your life. However, avoid BPD carers or loved ones if you don’t want to relive all your abandonment fears. Be cautious.
Tumblr - If you’ve ever struggled with eating disorders then just avoid it. All together! There is a very prevalent Pro-Ana/Mia community and it’s the most triggering place I’ve ever been. It’s tempting to ignore Tumblr’s clear warning about getting help and honestly I have no idea why those blogs haven’t been removed. Avoid.
Elefriends - Now finally I get to talk about my favourite support platform. Elefriends has been specifically designed to provide a safe space and bespoke support to people with mental health problems. It was created by the UK charity Mind. It’s moderators are trained, you can report posts easily, and you can turn private messages on and off. The Elephant posts topics of discussion, helpful self-care hints, and other activities for users to get involved in. Unlike other social media sites, Elefriends boasts an “I need urgent help” button, which gives you the choice of emergency advice, helplines, crisis coping tools, and advice on how to help someone you’re worried about. Another thoughtful feature is that if the Elephant finds a post from you about struggling to cope or having a crisis, you’ll get a message checking in on you. Elefriends gets a 10/10 and I’d recommend it for those seeking a safe community online. Thumbs up!
I would always suggest seeking professional mental health help, but there is no reason you can’t use online support networks alongside help you’re seeking. Especially during this time where we have little contact with our usual support networks. In an isolated world it can be very effective if used properly. So the answer to the question “Is online support helpful or harmful?” is that it can be both. It’s up to you to decide what works for you, although I hope my little guide might give you some direction.
Remember...
Is it helping you Heal?
Are you Happy with how you and others are treated?
Is it Hurting or triggering more than you can manage?
Finally, online support is not for everyone all the time. You should dip in and out depending on your wellbeing. For this reason I find it helpful to not get attached to individuals, which helps to stop you from feeling obligated. There are alternatives to online support for those times when it’s not what you need. Charities like Mind and Rethink usually have a local branch in your area where you can take part in creative groups, coffee groups or even walking groups. Recovery colleges are also scattered about that provide free or low cost courses on mental health and wellbeing. Whilst we cannot access many of those currently due to the Covid situation, when things get rolling again we should have them back. If you’re completely isolated, either because of Covid or other illness, then I find personal experience books to be really relatable and some books have really changed the way I see myself for the better. I personally love reading and a good book is exactly what I need to pull me away from my screens. Pair that up with a hot mug of tea and it’s my idea of a perfect afternoon.
Keep staying safe guys.
Out of Darkness Xx.
